On A Totally Stupid Article Against Harvey Milk

I found this article about Harvey Milk which is basically the author bitching and making things up about Harvey Milk probably because he hates the fact a gay guy is going to have a day recognized after him.

I am no great scholar of the life and career of Harvey Milk but what I find really offensive in this article was to downplay Milk's accomplishes by stating he only served in office for a year. This would be like saying JFK was a horrible president because he didn't finish his term.

The quote in context

Milk makes a rather unremarkable subject for the silver screen. In his seven years in San Francisco, he made four bids for elective office, only emerging victorious in his last—a 1977 run for city supervisor. For his persistence, Milk jokingly referred to himself as the “gay Harold Stassen.” He served for less than a year. In naming the onetime camera-shop proprietor one of the 100 most important people of the twentieth century, Time conceded, “As a supervisor, Milk sponsored only two laws—predictably, one barring anti-gay discrimination, and, less so, a law forcing dog owners to clean pets’ messes from sidewalks.” Eleven months on the city council hardly seems the stuff of Hollywood legend. So Hollywood invented a legend.

By trying to downplay Milk's contributions he made in his life by insinuating that Milk was unsuccessful because he did not even serve a year is blatantly dishonest and it illustrates that no one should take him to seriously.

Call Me When The Kid Hits The Ground

I have been so busy I have not had a chance to update my blog as often as I would like. Fuck man I didn't even get to part four of my attempted five part series regarding music last week. How shameful. But yeah going out almost every night doing trivia or concerts or movies or just hanging out with someone you think is really great is a very stellar way to live life but the downside is that you readers don't get any of my witty and insightful views on pop culture and current events. I know I get you hooked and then suddenly take it away and next thing you know you're that guy from Trainspotting crawling into his toilet desperately trying to find out my views on campaign finance reform.

So anyways I made a list of topics I wanted to write about in my wallet. But what I think got the whole world's attention yesterday was that stupid kid who was not in the hot air balloon. Come on every news source that exists in this country; wasn't there anything else going on? Does one kid not in a hot air balloon really warrant this intensive coverage and mass hysteria?

I don't even care if it was a hoax. I did not follow the story at all because I would rather listen to The Lawrence Arms but apparently the kid was at his house the whole time. I'm pretty sure it was a hoax because lets face it this kid and his family were awfully ready to be on all the morning television shows today weren't they? Can we stop giving these attention seekers what they want and get them off the TV? Do what my friends did in the summer of 2003 when I had my Crystal Meth addiction; starve the beast.

Hey did you hear about this asshole justice of the peace down in Louisiana who refused to issue a marriage license to a mixed race couple? What is even more infuriating was the justice of the peace's defense which was "I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way." I don't know what it is in today's but it is fucking hard to be labeled a racist now a days. Unless you're Glen Beck then you get to call the president a racist.

Speaking about racists I guess it was a big deal recently when it was disclosed that Rush Limbuagh wanted to obtain ownership status of the St. Louis Rams. Its actually unfair to call Rush a racist. I suspect he isn't but he does employ a lot of race baiting on his show probably because he knows his listeners eat that shit up. Like the previous mentioned Justice asshole and Rush Limbuagh I guess they figure its not being racist unless the explicitly use the "N" word. Racist or not I think its fair to say that there a lot of vitriol still permeates not just in the Southern United States but everywhere in this world. It makes me :(

Wow. Where did this post end up going? Truthfully I am really tired and my mind has kind of wondered and I think I have left a whole lot of incomplete thoughts on here. I can't even remember what I just wrote. I think I'll give it a quick proof read and then get out of here and relax. I'll try to put something more substantial on here this weekend. Or at the very least naked pics.

Those crazy kids and their crazy punk music

So the job I used to work I was on call which meant I would be responsible for working different shifts when needed. This meant that I would usually work with what was a random group of guys each every time I worked. Off hand I can't tell you how many people I worked with but I can tell you that each individual was a crazy character who could probably fit the archetype of the wacky next door neighbor in a CBS sitcom. This particular story starts with the Hammer.

Now I don't know why they called him the Hammer but I could go on all night about this guy. I won't. All you need to know for this story is that he would always show up an hour early so he could eat whatever the fuck it was he would bring in every day and get the skinny on what happened earlier in the day. One of the perks of the hell hole where I worked is that we got to listen to a little ten watt radio. The only catch on the midnight shift, The Hammer's shift, was that the radio always had to be tuned to the classic rock station. God did I hate working that shift. Do you know how many times in an eight hour block the classic rock station plays Journey?

One day, and it must have been a Friday night because I always hated working Fridays since I would not get off work until 11:00 pm. I decided that I was going to go out of my way and piss off the Hammer consequences be damned. I like to think I have a very accute knowledge of what exactly to say to push someone's buttons and I know to get to the Hammer all you have to is bash any of his favorite classic rock artists. On this particular night I chose to shit on the Eagles because, well, becuse they are a fucking shitty band who I hate more than The Dude does. Yes I do not abide the Eagles.

Let me tell you the Hammer was pissed. He muttered under his breath "punk kid. Don't know what real music is. They did it better back in the day." IT was one of those instances where he tried saying it under his breath but also wanted to make sure I heard it. I really appreciatted that.

What later really stuck with me about the whole altercation was why would he bash current music. You would think that as music has evolved over the years that current artists would rock just as hard if not harder than his favorite bands from the 70's. This lead me down the rabit hole and made me wonder at what age or what specific event make most people decide "You know what? I've listened to some good music but I don't think it is going to get any better than this. I'm done with new music."

Every once in a while I think about it and I have come up with a couple hypothesizes that sound like they could be valid reasons why someone who loved Bruce Springsteen could give a fuck about The Arcade Fire. I would like to share them with you below and would also be curious if you have any theories as well.

1.) Like I said earlier, someone hears what they think will be the best song ever so why continue?

I know this sounds like a stupid theory but if you think about it it almost makes sense. I mean if someone really thinks Styxx's song Lady was the greatest song ever why continue to go on with keeping up with Pop music. After all wouldn't everything else be downhill from there. It's like fucking Megan Fox. Where do you go after that? Not Kirsten Dunst. Makes sense right?

2.) The mainstreaming of Rap

I don't know when rap became part of the mainstream conscience of America but I would not be suprised to find that it coincides with the year most people gave up on new music. Some of it might have to do with the race factor since most rap artist back in the day were black. I'm sure people really into in Lynard Skinner were not into Grand Master Flash. And race might not even be a factor. Just the fact that it is so radically diferent and alien to most people could turn these baby boomers off. Maybe they decided if this is where te future of music is going then let me off the train at the next stop.

3.) The introduction of Punk Music and the Alternative Scene

I lot of the same reasons from number two I think would coincide with the notion that alternative and punk music would turn people off from discovering new music. Also this music was directed to a younger crowd by artists who rejected the current music scene that is embraced by people like the Hammer.

4) My Generation Did It The Best

You hear this cookie cutter arguement from these baby boomers who are into Fleetwood Mac or whatever else was popular back in the day. This is the argument that I hate the most because you are basically saying that something was awesome just because you were there. You know I"m sure the people who survived Waco didn't find it awesome when the FBI raided their compound and shot the hell out of them just because they were there. I understand why people make this argument because if they don't it invalidates their entire existance but it is a really lame ass arguement. Its a good way to pigeonhole yourself whether it be pop music, movies, or birth control methods.

5.) Having a kid

When I asked my dad why old fuckers decide they are going to stop listeing to new music he said it was proably because they had a kid. I forget his reasoning but if you think about it this reason might make the most sense. Having a kid is hard work and I am sure that trying to keep up with the latest trends is the last thing a new parent wants to think about (coincidently this might be why most kids in my age bracket listen to classic rock unironically; because their parents do. One of the reasons I got into punk and alternative is because my dad listened to it). Also if you think about it having a kid is one of those events that defines your life and acts as a transitional phase; like your your first steps, getting a drivers license, your first blow job, and the first time getting arrested for urinating in public. It would make sense to stick with what you know.

Anyways what are your thoughts if any? Please share. Or at least tell me to fuck off or something.

What Happened To My Radio

This is part two in what will hopefully be a five part seemingly interconnected but probably not at all series on aspects of music. For part one go here.

I don't know if you are aware of this but the Washington Post's online paper has various discussion groups everyday where some of their employees will answer questions their readership have asked them. A couple months ago I used to try getting as many questions answered as I possibly could which meant me asking questions to the Washington Post culinary expert on what are the best ingredients to make a a rhubarb pie. Yeah it can get pretty boring at work and anything to pass the time.

Well one day the Washington Post Pop Culture guy was online answering questions about this or that. Usually its about why he thinks the Springsteen show was super awesome or how much old R & B is better than whatever R & B is popular with the kids today. I decided to ask him, and again I paraphrase all of this because it happened a long time ago, "to get more listeners why don't radio stations actually expand their playlists, put on new and exciting artists, and maybe not play The Red Hot Chili Peppers twice every hour?"

The answer he gave me basically boiled down to "because with their ratings all ready as anemic as they are they would suffer more because people want to hear stuff that is familiar." At first his answer pissed me off because 1) It seemed like he was blowing me off and 2.) Yeah because that line of thinking has been working so well as of late with every single radio station either folding or switching to a different format. The more I thought about it and considered it I think it was a totally valid point.

When I was in twelfth grade it must have been the year that Napster became ingrained in the mainstream conscience of America. I will admit it was an exciting time. Imagine how excited some broke ass penny pinching loser like me was. You mean I could download the Clash's Sandinista for free and also totally rock out to it in a couple hours! No seriously I can hear Washington Bullets almost immediately on my Winamp without paying a nickel. To me this was the greatest development since I discovered the late night Cinemax.

Well anyways with Napster catching on in some of my classes my fellow students would use the computers to download whatever shit music happened to be popular that hour of the day. For some odd reason the people in my marketing class were downloading a Limp Biscuit song which was probably Nookie. I will never forget this because of a conversation between my friend and one of the Limp Biscuit Fans:

John: So let me ask. This Napster you can download any song you want?

Nick: Yeah man. Its awesome.

John: So you can download any song by anyone you want but you guys are downloading Limp Buscuit? You can hear that on the radio all day.

Nick: uhhh.

I find it fascinating in today s modern world where there are now numerous venues to expose someone to new and exciting music that more people don't go outside of their comfort zone to find exciting new bands that could possibly make their eardrums orgasm. I mean look at the facts; the old gate keepers of what used to be pop culture definers such as the radio and MTV are either dieing or more content on creating horrible fucking reality shows with these brainless people who work at modeling companies and are sad because their boyfriend Spencer did not recognize their new Prada bag.

It would be understandable back in the day when all you had to chose from were the Beatles and Rolling Stones. There was only radio and whatever word of mouth of whomever the coolest guy at school was on what bands you should be listening to. Now a days its much easier to hear what the coolest guy at school thinks thanks to the internet. Even if you go to some shitty Catholic school who's idea of cool is wearing a abstinence ring and a Jesus is My Homeboy t-shirt(but I'm sure this person can inform you that Five Iron Frenzy still rocks),you can get on the internet and hear what the cool kids have to say there. Now you can hear what the cool kid at some hipster university in the North East thinks about the new Vampire Weekend song (He probably likes it, along with drinking Pabst Blue Ribbons and wearing tight Sweaters)!

Look at the various mediums to discover new music. Heck man you have Pandora the musical Genome Project that will take songs you like and play similar sounding ones. You can sample any song you want to off of Itunes. There are tons of websites you can go to where people who have even more time on their hands than me write very pretentious reviews of the latest folk rock album out of Tanzania. I guess my point is that there is no excuse to be downloading "I Did It All For The Nookie" anymore.

Until tomorrow.

This is no Existential Crisis

So the biggest football game of all time in the history of man is on right now and I have decided to write this blog. Of course the next time The Packers play the Vikings that will be the biggest game of all time so enjoy this one while you can. I mean fucking seriously ESPN is there nothing you won't hype up in your quest to totally dilute the overall enjoyment I derive from sports?

I promise this is not some sort of post about how "this is the first day of the rest of my life," because that is just a really lame thing to say. People who say that all ready have a defeatist attitude. That is not me.

I was sitting around I think yesterday probably watching a football game and I suddenly thought what the hell am I doing with life man? No it wasn't because I felt guilty for sitting around inside on such a good day or because there are kids in Indonesia who have to eat bugs to sustain life (though both those things have a varying degree of sucktitude). It is more or less one of those things were I am not happy with my current lot in life.

Make no mistake I am not feeling suicidal and I don't plan on joining a book club. Its not that life sucks but more or less that it doesn't fucking rock. My job is not something I enjoy doing and most of the night life around here has become not only repetitive but sort of lame. IT could be so much better if instead of just going with the flow I actually took some chances and was more proactive in various outlets of my life. I know the things that will make me happier and outcome be dead fuck it lets do it live and go for it.

That includes writing more. Though I enjoy writing these blogs I have had an idea for a book in my head for a very long time that I think could be pretty good that I want to finally get started on. I also want to finish a short story I started a year ago that needs some polish.

So yeah. Thats where we are now.

This Message Brought To You By Tide Detergent

(Part of a a weekly five part series I am trying to complete this week in regards to music).

I have officially sold out. From now on this blog is brought to you by Aquafresh Toothpaste. It was simple economics man. I have to adopt a new model in today's troubled economic times and the only way to do that was by selling out and adopting corporate sponsorship.

Ok thats a joke. I would never endorse Aquafresh but only because I use Crest.

In the world of music the topic of selling out is a hotly contested issue. I don't think there is one set definition of how a band can sell out. Some people think a band signing to a major label is selling out or that selling your songs to some corporation to use in a car commercial is selling out. Basically I think selling out is creating or changing your music to adhere to whatever the popular musical trends are to become sucsesful. Other than that I don't care if a band has their songs in the new Madden game or sign a fifty million dollar contract with Virgin Records (well I guess I would be mad if my favorite band decided to have ties to some brutal represive government in Africa i.e.Pat Robertson).

I remember a couple years ago at work on the radio a familiar song by one of my favorite bands Of Montreal was being played. Actually, instead of what I thought was Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games it was the same music but the lyrics were changed for an Outback comercial.

Here is the original version:



And here is the Outback commercial version:



You know what? I didn't care. I can kind of understand why someone could get upset and accuse the band of selling out because I, like most other people, attach a special meaning or emotional connection to a song but you have to realize in today's changing music industry there are only a limited number of avenues a band can go down anymore to make enough money to eat food. Maybe I'm wrong here but I also think you have to let whoever created these songs to be able to make their own decision with what they do with their own intellectual property.

And have you noticed that most people who complain about a band selling out are also the same assholes who download albums without paying for it. These assholes who don't want to pay any money for music will get mad at their favorite artists who just want to make a little money so they can actually have a career and keep making music that can be enjoyed. I mean how do they expect their favorite band (and not only the members of the band but also the people who are employed through the band) to continue to make music? The money has to come from somewhere.

I think most people who are concerned with their favorite artist selling out are either fifteen years old or don't really care about the music but care about the image they want to project to their peers by their impeccable music taste. You know these are the the same hipsters who decided it was ok to like Bob Dylan until he went electric or Dashboard Confessional was better before he got the backing band so you hear the the words sell out.

So here is an idea to all lovers of music. Who cares if your favorite band gets paid by Apple to have their song played in an Itouch commercial? You should like a song or an artist because its a good song and it connects with you emotionally. Please lets forget about this made up and I must say childish notion of selling out.

And if I didn't sum it up good enough here are two songs about selling out. The first is by Lagwagon:



The other one is by a band called Bigwig:



Catch you tomorrow.

If You Hate America So Much Why Don't You Movie To Russia

It's a misleading post. I'm not actually moving to Russia but rather to Europe.

Actually that is misleading as well. I'm not moving to Europe but rather visiting Munich, Amsterdam, and London. With that going on in my life next week and the fact that I am going to see Lady Gaga and have a birthday at the end of the month this will probably be the last blog I write in September which believe me makes me sad. I would really like to write on this thing more often but I have just been super busy. Anyways I will leave you with a couple thoughts before I hop on a plane and drink huge German beers at Oktoberfest.

The new television season is in full gear and one of the most anticipated shows is a show called Community about guess what; a Community College. I have not seen the show due to scheduling and will probably check it out in a week or so but one thing I have noticed in every review was that the writer offering their critique of the show was concerned this show would be mean spirited and mock those who attended such institutions. This is weak sauce for two reason: 1) Since when have these people been concerned with the emotional of people enrolled in Community College and 2) So what if it is mean. Why can't being relentlessly mean be funny?

Accordingly I read a review not too long ago about the latest Halloween movie from Rob Zombie that had this reasoning behind the abysmal score he ultimately gave it: "Zombie is so enamored with making everything in his films dirty and corruptible that he fails to create anything to root for, or care about, or against which to contrast the darkness." I have not seen any of the Rob Zombie Halloween movies but I think this is Zombie's greatest strength as a film maker.

Take for instance The Devil's Rejects one of his older movies about deranged redneck serial killers who are being chased down by a Sheriff whom, as the movie gets longer into its running time, commits deplorable acts that put him on par with the before mentioned serial killers. There is no one to root for in this movies (and some would even say towards the end you start rooting for the original protagonists)which I found to be the best thing the movie had going for it. Maybe it was a metaphor about how in a post 9/11 World we must be careful to not get as dehumanized as those who practice terrorism or maybe Zombie thought it would just look cool. Who knows right? Why does every movie have to have a character the audience can relate to? Is it for the same reason the American audience demands a happy ending and talking dogs in all their flicks?

Kanye West is a hero. I know I don't have to explain what he did to that little girl at the Video Music Awards last week but if you ask me he is a hero. This is from an email I sent some friends: Taylor Swift is some third rate weak ass countrified version of Avril Lavigne who looks and sounds more pop so those Christian Conservative Assholes who think Avril is too punk for their kid can buy Taylor Swift albums from their local Walmart along with their fucking Travis Tritt and whatever other racist cowboy has a new album out this week to go along with their miniature American Flags they can bring to protest Obama being a socialist (even though most of them aren't smart enough to spell the word let alone define it) and boxes of hot pockets they can feed to their all ready diabetic over weight children. IF you ask me Kayne West is a hero.

Of topic again but a lot of people are pissed at Michael Jordan for a speech he gave at his Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. I have said it before and I'll say it again that we are a nation of fucking pussies who freak out about the stupidest stuff. Here is sportswriter Rich Reilly on Jordan's speech: "Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame talk was the Exxon Valdez of speeches. It was, by turns, rude, vindictive and flammable. And that was just when he was trying to be funny. It was tactless, egotistical and unbecoming." This is only the first paragraph of his article but I can't read any more than that. Rich peddles this nonsensical crap all the time and let me tell you he has not met one kid with a learning disability with a jump shot without writing about them. The only person worse that Rich is Mitch Albon who I have to tell you if he was one of the people I met up in heaven I would have wished that i bought a round trip ticket. But you can't be surprised by Jordan's speech because he has always been an asshole but you know what this is his day and I say if he wants to be an asshole let him be an asshole.

On a related note can we as a society stop caring about hall of fame. This blind idol worship that permeates in this country is getting ridiculous and if your life is really that empty where you care about such things as hall of fame's than give up on life right now.

Ok that it. I wish I could have ended it on a more positive note. The last thing I write on here shouldn't be me telling you to go kill yourself should it?

Ok I will say this. I was hesitant on Lady Gaga at first. Well I still think her album The Fame was not great but she is someone I respect for whatever thats worth (Yeah I know most musicians put out albums with their main concern being that Webby will respect it). Anyways I have a new found respect for her. I kind of like it how she wears jackets covered with Kermit the Frog Puppets. She has this whole I don't give a fuck attitude way of life thing going for her and, coming from more of a punk rock background, find it refreshing a new for someone who enjoys semi mainstream popularity. I also read that she is a big supporter of the homosexual community which I think is great too and shows up for a lot of their causes which I respect immensely (Equal rights for all). So yeah when I get back from Europe I am pretty excited to see her show since it is going to be epic. I bet a tiger ends up eating someone.

Ok that's a positive note right? A tiger eating someone? Who cares because I have a plane to catch. See ya in Munich, Amsterdam, London, or at the very least, back here in the colonies.

Not Everything Happens For A Reason...Case In Point Tim Allen's Career

Since I am going to London in a week or so I decided to have a night where I taste six different English beers and rate them. I thought it would be a good experience even though I am not hip on all the beer lingo. I mean whats a hops anyways? I guess it is something I should know but I guess its not vital. One less thing for me to talk about at parties. That will be something to keep me occupied during Jeopardy and then the Steelers game.

I skimmed through the latest Arctic Monkey's album and it is sort of lackluster. Have you ever listened to an album and just yelled at the stereo "Why aren't you rocking me? ROCK ME BABY!" So I just listened to Fake Tales of San Fransisco and All You People Are Vampires.

I have to say I blame the guy from Queens of the Stone Age for the lackluster sound of this album. I don't know his name but it is not even worth taking the time to look it up. I think he produced the album and he has seemed to manage to make this disc even more boring than his shitty band. Don't get me wrong there are many worse bands than Queens of the Stone Age but their music just doesn't do it for me. It just seems to go through the motions man. Its like yeah we're gonna rock but not too hard man why need that ever important radio ready sound. Fuck man I might be going to hard on the band. I'm listening to Era Vulgaris and it sounds ok.

I read a really good article at work the other day that I think if you have the time you should give it a once over. It's called A Mugging On Lake Street (what a misleading title read it and you'll see why). In summary it is about this reporter who was riding his bike through the streets of Chicago when a group of teenagers attacked him which sent him to the hospital. The reporter writes about his efforts to reach the kid who knocked him out to basically find out why he decided to attack him. Really you should read the article even though the author does not come to a satisfying conclusion.

What I liked about the article is that it made me think about why things happen. I have always been a nihlistic person and don't think things happen for a reason or that everything is inter conected. That's why I really liked Jeff Goldblum's character in those Jurassic Park movies; I am all about Chaos theory. Everyone questions why something happens but I just embrace it as happening. Fuck man life is like a big game of roulette only the wheel is bigger dude. That's a metaphor.

I understand why the author of this article and people in general question and try to figure out the why. Why was he attacked? Why did my car get stolen? Why do people watch American Idol? I understand why people try to find meaning with what are basically a bunch of random actions around them. Life without any sort of meaning is scary to some people man and it doesn't matter what it is and why something happened; God, Tim Allen's performance in Wild Hog's, the Democrats in power it doesn't matter man. Sometimes things happen for no reason and people just do things.

The best example I can think of is a story I heard about I guy I used to work with. He lived in D.C. and was walking to his jeep when he noticed a bunch of young kids near his car. I forget now what it was that one of the kids picked up but lets just say it was a brick. Anyways right in front of the guy I worked with this kid takes this brick and breaks one of the windows out of the jeep. So my ex coworker walks up to the kid and asks why did you do that. The kid basically shrugs his shoulders and says "I just wanted to see what would happen."

See. That is one example. Sure this little kid is a dick but I would make the argument that he is more liberated than most people. Sure to you it might be a scary and horrible way to live without putting a fixed meaning behind every action. This kid understands the only thing that governs the human existence is just random fucking chance man. It all started with the creation of life with the big bang theory. If it wasn't for the comet that wiped out the dinosaurs we would not be the dominant species. Why did that comet hit earth? There was no governing structure besides the laws of physics and the fact that the projectory of this massive space rock happened to coincide with where earth is located. There was no master plan or divine intervention or predetermined place where this comet would land (Actually if there was a Jerry Falwell dinosaur he would have blamed all the homo dinosaurs for the comet hitting earth). Actually it was probably an asteroid but that's just semantics man. All I am saying is that there was no meaning behind it. These things just happened.

I was thinking I was more of a nihilist than anything else but I don't think so. Well maybe I am even though there is no way that is possible since the definition of nihilism is having no belief structure; that would kind of be like having a meeting for your anarchy club to discuss parliamentary procedure. I think living this way is more liberating. Like Fleetwood Mac said dude you should go your own way. Was that Fleetwood Mac? Actually who cares man because they sucked and are like eighty. All I am saying is that you should live life and stop worrying about the why. Just be happy. Of course I say this many times. But I mean it this time. I have a new motto on life and it is the same as that kid from the rollerblading movie: "If you see the perfect wave, the perfect girl, the perfect anything you take it." Seriously that kid from Airborn was some sort of miniature high school surfing Buddha man. But yeah I am going to live life and go after and fight for things worth fighting for. Please do the same.

I thought I would add this video. It kind of comes to the same conclusion I do about life even though it tackles a diferent subject. Plus Cursive is an awesome band. Win Win.

Wolf Notes

The title refers to the Fiery Furnaces song I am listening to right now. They are a brother sister group who I find to be pretty fucking good but they are also a little weird. I only have their first two albums but I hear one of their albums was about their grandmother or something which reads like a radio play. They have a lot of albums that are all supposed to be good that I think I will have to check out. Check them out below preferably after taking some mind altering drugs.



There are two channels on television that I don't understand how some people can just sit down and watch for hours (well three if you count Fox News). I know people who watch hours of programs on the Animal Planet and The Food Network. The Animal Planet needs to air more shows where football players race horses and stop it with the shark week. My problem with the Food Network is that most of the cooking on the channel probably don't eat the food with the massive calorie intakes that they prepare (though they probably give it to that TGI Friday guy).

One channel that my dad will forever say was his idea that got stolen from him that is almost unwatchable is the Sci Fi channel. Oh I'm sorry to get street cred they changed their name from Sci-Fi to SyFy. I guess they needed to get rid of that extra letter so they could finance the sequel to Manticore. Seriously why do they keep making all these movies and than actually broadcast them? Besides Mansquito Man and Locust all these movies are shit.

Though all of this can be forgiven because Sci-Fi channel produced and aired Battlestar Galactica which I can say after watching all the way up through the halfway point of season three is one of the better shows to come on television in a while. What I like about it is that it has complex themes and ideas being tossed around in it such as what it is that defines us as human, living in a post 9-11 world and various other aspects of the human condition.

Don't make the same mistake I did and ignore the show because you are not a big fan of science fiction because this show is well written and superbly acted, especially Edward James Olmos who I never really cared for but who I am now a big fan of. I have been catching up on Netflix and sometimes when I get a DVD in the mail I will watch every episode on it that day.

I don't want to get into any of the plot-lines on the show because I think you should really experience the show without knowing anything about it like I currently am. Fuck it man I even have a list on my door that lists the twelve cylons that have been revealed so far (I have seven cylons confirmed on this list). I will say one thing that gets my goat about the show is that during the opening credits they will play scenes from the actual episode you are about to watch. I didn't notice this until about the third week and it pissed me off because one of the key plot points of that episode was revealed to me. Now I just look away during the opening credits but it is still something the perturbs me.

So what are you waiting for. Got put Season one at the top of your Que right now.

And a note I have been writing more often lately but I will be going away this weekend for a wedding. Maybe if I find a computer and I get bored I will write something. Hmmm?

Hail Old Dixie

Man I used to really hate the Redskins. I mean really hate them. The level of hatred I had reserved for them was so deep it made my burning intense hatred of a million suns of rap metal look venial in comparison.

My level of the Skins hatred has succeeded in recent years basically because I don't really care anymore. Sure I will watch a game on Sunday or Monday or Tuesday as long as it is a decent game between two good teams; you won't find me watching the Lions and Browns play each other. I just find it stupid to associate the level of your overall happiness in life to a sports team based on geographic location alone.

Though I do not hate the Skins anymore I really hate their fan base probably because I have been surrounded by them my entire life. And I say fan even though they usually have no discernible knowledge about anything in regards to sports but that doesn't stop them from calling talk radio and giving unsolicited advice to the team; like their ideas will finally get the Skins back into the Superbowl.

Like anytime there is a Skins story in the news that is all this low rent city talks about. Today it is the fact that the Skins front office sells tickets directly to brokers who then sells it to the consumer at an inflated price. Well guess what why not it has been going on for years. And what do you fans expect your stadium holds more people that Britanny Spears vagina and your teams spends tens of millions of dollars on horrible players like Brendon Lloyd. And you guys keep going to the games no matter how bad they are. I think you lost your right to bitch about this a long time ago.

Of course you get mad about this but again don't get mad about the ineffective play calling or anything remotely resembling why your team really sucks. And of course you don't get mad at the horrible racist name your team has.

I always hear the fans say it is not a racist name (one guy even told me their original coach was an Indian and they named the team this to honor him which would be the same if New York's first coach was Jewish so they named the team the kikes). Maybe you don't find it racist and maybe the four native Americans that we have not wiped out don't care or never heard of the team because we gave them land that doesn't have a good service provider. Their name not being racist would be believable if it weren't for the history of the team.

You see, Marshall, their original owner was a horrible racist. HE did not like black people. Well maybe he didn't hate them but just thought white people were superior; whatever I don't know but I think we can agree that he was a dick. Anyways when he moved his team to DC he decided that he was only going to draft players from southern schools so the Redskins could be the team of the south. And guess what. The Skins were the last team in the league to have a black guy on it and only because the federal government said if they don't integrate they would deny them federal funds for their stadium. Whats worse is that stupid fight song they play on the rare occasion they actually score a touchdown that makes me want to tear out my eardrums and stuff them down my eye sockets so I don't have to see that fucking old guy dressed up like the Indian used to say fight for old Dixie instead of fight for victory.

I find most Skin fans are oblivious to this. Sad.

But yeah thinking about it I think I still hate the Skins. F them. Luckily they usually lose in spectacular fashion and I don't think this year will be any different.

Hey Obama Leave Those Kids Alone

I know. It was the cheapest joke to make but I kind of like the song so its cool.

If there is one thing people value more than dogs in this country it is children. I don't have kids, don't find them very cute and could care less about debating them on the finer points of Harry Potter. And I hate the people who ask me if I want to see a picture of their kid. Man unless your kid is in a picture where it is surrounded by a bunch of naked chicks playing twister I probably have no interest in looking at your kid who you have to admit has really no distinguishing characteristics between kids of its age. Maybe these are all reasons why I can't get worked up into a pitchfork mob frenzy by the news that Obama will be beamed in through the intertubes into schools of America to indoctrinate them in the upcoming Marxist army which will rule supreme through the ages.

No I am not kidding that people are actually getting worked up that Obama will be addressing the kids of America during school hours instead of primetime. I don't know what he is going to say but it will probably be the cookie cutter you're so special and if you follow your dreams to the stars you can be whatever you want to be bullshit that was fed to me when I was young.

For instance check out this Vodkapundit guy. Yes a guy who blogs under the alias Vodkapundit has an important message and he needs to be taken seriously. Who knows if he actually believes the dribble he actually writes or finds it a quick way to make a buck by working up the robotic masses who turn off their critical thinking skills and happily believe any fucking thing they hear from the talking heads in the media.

What is it that makes Vodkapundit so mad. Just the fact that Obama is the President I guess. I am sure if it was Bush he would talk about how the students are the luckiest kids in the world because they finally have someone addressing them who reads at the same grade level. Here is his main beef:

He has to make this a — what does the Left call it? — a teachable moment. A speech-in, if you will. Teachers have even been given handy instructions on how best to integrate The One into the classroom. Here’s some fun educational-type stuff your young son or daughter might be doing next week:

After the Speech:Right Back At Ya

• Teachers could ask students to share the ideas they recorded, exchange sticky notes or stick notes on a butcher paper poster in the classroom to discuss main ideas from the speech, i.e. citizenship, personal responsibility, civic duty.

• Students could discuss their responses to the following questions:
What do you think the President wants us to do?

Does the speech make you want to do anything?

You mean, other than hurl?

Oh, and this:

Are we able to do what President Obama is asking of us?"

So he has no real substance to why he is upset just the fact that he can be so why the hell not? He's mad because the kids will listen to Obama and actually process what he says. I guess that would make me mad too because that is not what school is supposed to be about.

Vodkapundit goes on to say that if he had a kid in school he would pull him out that day (what this asshole is making a big deal out of this and doesn't even have a kid effected by this) as some sort of protest and you should to! Vodkapundit wants you to make it a patriotic day where you do patriotic stuff like watching the movie 1776 and setting off fireworks.

Vodkapundit is an idiot. There are better things to be outraged by but you want to make a big deal out of this inconsequential action. To anyone who this outrages let me ask you this question; did this make you mad too:

Should A Person Have Two Pairs Of Pumas

Wow how long has it been since I blogged last? Does it really matter anyways.

So what has been going on out there in the world? You should be happy to know that Glen Beck is still crazy. Even though he is being boycotted by almost every company that used to advertise on his show because he made the totally sane and logical conclusion that Obama hated white people and everything they stand for. Yeah but come on Obama you can't blame all of white culture for the filmography of Larry the Cable Guy and the music of Brooks and Dunn. Why must you punish us all Obama?

Yeah but Glen Beck has decided to take the crazytown express all the way to the the insane highway so he can catch a cab to The Rib Hut downtown. I swear when he says that the people in this administration in power are all Marxist all I can say to myself is "well wouldn't that be great."

Anyways the conservative party in general and dumb motherfuckers are complaining how Obama's health care plan will be government dictating and rationing health care. Let alone these same dumbfucks and ill informed morons don't want government making their health care decisions for them but want the government to make abortion illegal (Kind of like the gun freaks who want the government out of their pocket and and for them to leave their personal rights alone but want them to deny equal rights for homosexuals).

Even some elected officials are complaining about government taking over health care. What makes them hypocritical about all of this nonsense is that I am sure that most of these elected officials were the same people who made the Terry Schiavo case one of the most obtrusive government actions I can think of in regards to the government dictating health care decisions in a persons life. They called a special session of congress just so they could pass a motion to keep Shciavo alive. This is an epic fail man.

Anyways that is all. I promise to make September a more bountiful month for your reading pleasure.

Get Your Face Painted At Michael Vick Day! There Will Be Ponies!

The following views expressed do not necessarily reflect the prevailing wisdom of most people in this country. I don't care in the past about having an unpopular view and I won't care five minutes from now. It's how I feel and I make no apolgies about it. That is why I hope the six people who read my blog appreciate what I write.

I am not into sports too much any more but I will tell you that I like to watch a well played game between two teams. With that said I can not stand watching sports center because lets face the cold hard reality; they do not play clips from any recent games but are more or less interested in player contracts and if Terrel Owens is a douche bag. I have more pressing matters in my life to actually sit around and be worried if Terrel Owens does not get along with Tony Romo anymore. You should too.

But Michael Vick man. People can't stop talking about that guy. Look he wasn't the greatest quarterback but he was a guy who could single handily win a game. I saw him do it against the Steelers one year. Actually scrap that I think that game ended in a tie. Who knows and who cares because it is not important.

But than he decided that he wanted to finance a dog fighting ring at one of his houses. It was a stupid and illegal thing to do and he was rightfully arrested and incarcerated for it. Good for America our justice system works (well scratch that. Michael Vick kills a bunch of dogs but OJ kills his wife and doesn't go to jail for that).

I came across this article about Michael Vick about how they are going to organize some Michael Vick day in his hometown. The article doesn't really say what the point of the festival but that is not what I care about. What really gets my goat is the comments from random readers.

For instance check out this comment on the web page left by someone who created a name of cowabunga_78.

"Celebrating MV's return to NN is wrong on so many levels. If they want to welcome him back, it should be done in a "Forgiveness" service at some church.

This is a con"vick"ted felon, and should be treated as such. He needs a great deal of psycotherapy -- and medication -- to keep him from further abusing animals and people. He does not need to be celebrated by a small faction of the community. Remember, he's not just an animal abuser, he's also a high-stakes gambler who places illegal bets. What's to keep him from betting on football?"

Cowabunga_78 is an idiot. People like him are the ones who vote Republican and think Pat Robertson won't burn in hell for his support of repressive African dictators so he can extract diamonds from their mines.

(Thinking about it I really hate Pat Robertson. He is a horrible human. I really mean that. HE is a liar, delusional at best, hates most minority groups, and only cares about money. I will have to write more about him at a later date.)

I think this is a very indicative quote from a guy named Mose.

"What is this country coming to? When we celebrate a convicted felony and his dog killing. Michael Vick is not the type of role model for my kids.
How can he speak on King's non-violence when in fact he "Bank Rolled" the killing of animals.
This celebration is out of place just like "Cash for Clunkers" program by the federal government."

You know what Mose yeah maybe pro athletes aren't the best role models for your children. Maybe instead of false idol worship you should actually teach your kid ethics and moral responsibility. And what the hell is the cash for clunkers program and how does it relate to Vick?

I could go on about these people. Their priorities are fucked. I think I wrote this previously but of course what Michael Vick did was wrong. I understand exploiting animals for your own personal enjoyment is wrong (think horse racing or those horrible people who put sweaters on their dogs). Its a damn horrific thing he did to them but he is hardly the worst person in the world.

I got into this with my mom the other day. Basically her point was that Michael Vick is the worst person ever. Guess what he is not. You know who is worse than him. George W. Bush, Bill Kristol, and every other of these conservative hacks who actively pushed us into a war in Iraq by selectively cheery picking information and making up lies about how Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. The people who tortured people for kicks at Abur Garab are worse than Vick. The politicians like Bush and Obama who want to hold people in jail without any sort of trail in horrible situations.

I know people like dogs because they are furry and in Adam Sandler movies they hilariously hump other dogs. Believe me I love going to the website where people post pictures of their dogs wearing birthday hats and going down water slides. But give me a break. Vick is hardly the worst human being in the world. Of course I am different than most people and value all life whether it be animals or people and don't limit my anger to our furry friends in the animal kingdom.

A Massive Fail At Work

I don't normally like writing about work. Not that I fear any consequences by doing so but because it would make for a very boring read. Sure I probably have the most important job on the eastern seaboard and without me doing what I do everyday your life would probably be a lot worse. Most of my days at work are pretty lame but there are some days that are super great. Today could have been one of those days.

Yes the best days I have at work are the days that they have Take Five Candy bars in the vending machines. Have you ever had one of those things? IF you ask me they might give peanut butter cups a run for their money as best candy snack ever invented. But me in my infinite wisdom today did not bring any change to purchase one. Why? (Well I'll get to that in a bit). Now I am scarred that tomorrow they will all be gone. There were only two left in the machine. There is a small chance that at least one will be left by time I get to work tomorrow because for some reason there is a row of snacks in the vending machine that is $1.25 instead of the ussual $1.00.

And why did I not bring any change when I ussually do. IT has to do with the fact that I brought a lunchable. And not just any luncahble but I new lunchable that I found at Shoppers yesterday. It is not new in the aspect that there is some new kind of food in the lunchable but of the actual consist. There was ham and cheese and crackers with jello, chips ahoy cookies, and water with a mix in Kool Aid thing.

The luncahble was very disapointing and even more so when I could have had a Take Five bar. The ham was a little bit wattered down. The crackers were not very crisp. The cheese seemed to be a little dry. I had no complaints with the jello and the cookies. The koolaid was better than the usual Capri Sun they used to put in the luncahble. Maybe I just got a bad lunchable and the turkey stacker I have tomorrow will be of higher quality.

I will keep you posted.

I CAn't Wait UNtil Friday to See Aliens in the Attic!

Yeah so this Aliens in the Attic movie is coming out Friday and it looks like it could be the next big thing. From the preview I saw it looked like the exact same plot as that Beethoven movie where they had to hide all of Beethoven's puppies from Charles Grodin! It looks like a winner. I predict 200 million dollars on opening day and massive sales for the XBox tie in video game!

Speaking of movies I finally got around to watching the German movie The Lives of Others. What I mean by finally seeing the Lives of Others is that by looking at my netflix page I have had this movie in my possession sine 2/10/09. It only took me something like five months to watch this movie.



Anyways I have to say that it was a pretty good flick. It took place in East Germany before the wall came down. Basically an author was put under surveillance because he was suspected of having allegiances to West Germany but the individual who is in charge of running the operation later discovers that the reason this project got the go ahead was because a minister wanted to bone his wife. I implore you to see this movie.

Whenever I watch a movie I like to read about it on various venues on the internet and I found a web page that list the 25 Best Conservative movies of all time. Its a pretty laughable list that has some real shitty movies on it but number one is The Lives of Others. The number five movie on this list is one of the worst movies I have seen the last couple years; the movie 300.

Jeez did I hate that movie. If it didn't have all of those scenes that were filmed in slow motion the movie would have been shorter than sex with me. IF you took a sip of beer every time someone declared the were from "SPARTA" you would probably be drunker than Billy Joel on his daughters sleepover night. For some reason the Persians were only interested in having crazy amputee lesbian sex. I could probably go on but I just hated how the movie romanticized the overzealous form of nationalism that was predominant in the movie and actively encouraged in a countries citizens.

Here is what this website says about this movie 300:

"During the Bush years, Hollywood neglected the heroism of American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan — but it did release this action film about martial honor, unflinching courage, and the oft-ignored truth that freedom isn’t free. Beneath a layer of egregious non-history — including goblin-like creatures that belong in a fantasy epic — is a stylized story about the ancient battle of Thermopylae and the Spartan defense of the West’s fledgling institutions. It contrasts a small band of Spartans, motivated by their convictions and a commitment to the law, with a Persian horde that is driven forward by whips. In the words recorded by the real-life Herodotus: “Law is their master, which they fear more than your men[, Xerxes,] fear you.”"

Wow how stupid could you get? First off all how free was Sparta? If I remember correctly you could not be considered a citizen of Sparta unless they could trace your family lineage back to see if you were one of the original inhabitants of the city. Oh and how free can a city be considered if instead of raising all children they threw the undesirable kids off some hill so they could die.


I really hated this fascist movie. Not as much as proofreading. I didn't do any.

Lady Gaga Ayn Rand Taxes Kill Children and Other Republican Talking Points Remix

Not too long ago I had a post about how the world was an incredible bitch goddess. Well if it wasn't enough to lose that chick Michael Jackson, former Charlies Angel lady who was on all the posters, and the guy with the paint on beard who sold us bonding agents and ties with pockets but now we have lost another of our beloved pop culture icons.

Gidget the "Yo quiero Taco Bell" dog passed away from a stroke at the ripe age of fifteen. Many people will credit Gidget for pushing Taco Bell up to eighth place in this random fast food list (one ahead of Arby's!)but I will warmly remember him for putting a cute face on an old Mexican stereotype and the unnecessary usage of the definitive I noun. So rest in peace Gidget, you will be missed by fat drunks and girls who think Chihuahuas are accessories for a wardrobe.

Speaking of being dead have you checked out the Republican Party as of late. Why is it that every time we get a new democratic president these crazy fringe conspiracy theory groups somehow permeate into the mainstream culture. There are crazies out there who believe that Obama was not born in the United States even thought there is solid proof he was. The list goes on man. The crazies are out in force.

So the Republican Party is full of crazy people and old white dudes. So what happens when the Republican Party decides that they want to reach out and recruit young people. First you get this absolute embarrassment of rapper. Now some one decided to remix a Lady Gaga song and the GOP is going to use it demonstrate that their message is something young people can relate to.



Jeeez. Talk about a massive fail. I am so glad this kid had enough time between playing beer pong and date rapping to create something that not only butchers a Lady Gaga song but also reinforces the stereotype that white guys can't rap(or jump). Thanks Chip or whatever your name is.

But what is really the most insulting about this video and this Republican strategy in general is that none of these issues are what young people care about. Young people are more progressive. I know kids today have a short attention span but when you've spent the last twenty years or so demonizing gays and trying to associate the liberal movement with fascists movements like those of Hitler or Pol Pot you're not going to win them over by making a shitty remix of a Lady Gaga or Snoop Dogg song to your same old tired talking points that taxes are evil and will kill your family.

I am Going To Punch You In The Face and You Will Applaud

A couple weeks ago I went out to the bar in my neighborhood to grab some drinks and it was unfortunately the night of the big UFC fight. It had that big dude from WWE that is about fifty times larger than anyone else in the league beating the hell out of the guy who delivers my packages I order from Amazon.com. Something perterbed me about the fight which in turn made me concerned me about my fellow citizens.

But before I get into that I must state that I have nothing against UFC or any of these organized fighting leagues besides the fact that I find them extremely boring. It pissed me off when I hear those who love boxing condeming how brutal these mixed martial arts competitions are in comparison to boxing.

(Funny story. In high school me and some chums decided to rent a UFC fight from a Blockbuster video and it had to be the boringist thing we ever watched in our lives. The only thing I remebmer was that one guy won his fight by getting the person he was fighting into a headlock and punching him in the balls. It was horrific but yet somehow hilarious at the same time).

Yeah but most people who think UFC or whatever the hell the other competitions are called who find it too violent but love boxing make me sick. I mean have they watched boxing? Last time I checked it was two guys in a ring beating the living hell out of each other. I caught a fight from years ago on HBO the other day that must have had more blood flying around then when the Octomom gave birth.

But what disturbed me the most about watching the fight in the bar with what seemed like hundred of guys wearing the same stupid Tapout shirt was how excited they would get when one of the fighters would release Thunder Dome on the other guy. Look I understand it is the most exciting part of the fight and this is why people spend the sixty dollars or so to order these things but I don't think this is a very compelling trait we as a species have.

I don't know man. It just seems that if you can derive pleasure out of watching another human being come down full force with his forearm into someone's head who is basically in a defenseless position it is easy for you to turn the other way and be emotionless when people in this country are hungry or have no health insurance or get sent back to Mexico or when we go off to war and people die.

I don't' know I'm probably wrong on this. I don't think you are evil if you enjoy these fights. I am just saying it is hard for me to have any sort of enjoyment watching pain being inflicted into others.

And in closing here is a word of advice. If you do go out to a bar and watch one of these fights it is probably a good idea not to say that WWE is more bad ass than UFC. A bunch of guys with shaved heads and Tapout shirts on will call you a "fucking pussy."

What is going on in the world man?

Lately the world has been a cruel bitch goddess hasn't it. Things are really starting to look bad out there. It wasn't enough that we had to deal with massive unemployment, some sort of global recession and the scourge of marketing campaigns disguised as movies to sell toys to the kiddos but now we have city papers advertising Marion Barry can't get his dick sucked and then Superman and Batman getting arrested. Whats next my friends? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Speaking of mass hysteria how about Michael Jackson dieing? You know what my thoughts are on the matter? None. I have no strong feelings about him dieing. I didn't care yesterday, I don't care today, and fifty years from now when Rolling Stone has some sort of issue commemorating the fifty year anniversary of his death I'll skip over that article because I still won't fucking care. So yeah I guess you could say I am indiferent to the whole affair. Does that make me cold hearted? Well I don't see you crying robot.

What does offend me about the whole thing is how they still call him the King of Pop (and when I say they its pretty much the white media). You know what though? Labels like that have a fucking shelf life man. When you haven't put out any good (or relevant) music in the last fifteen years you have to pass the crown to some other media created overrated pop star. I mean come on Jimmy Carter hasn't been president since what 1980? Do you still think he runs around calling himself President Carter. I know the media doesn't. (Former President Carter dude) Maybe for a couple weeks after that asshole Reagan got sworn he still went around introducing himself as President Carter to score some tail at parties but not anymore. Like I said shelf life baby.

Another sign of the Apocalypse for those whose brain is only present to provide them justification of having a skull was that the train wreck that is Sarah Palin quit being Governor of Alaska. Oh no I'm sorry she didn't quit because she said quitting would be staying in office. Yes she really fucking said that but come on this can't be the first time that you've asked yourself did she really fucking just say that.

One of the reasons she said she was quitting, horrendous basketball metaphors aside (wasn't that a massive fail? I mean talking about how a good point guard sees the whole court and passes if they have to. I guess it would be an apt metaphor if in game seven instead of making the winning shot Jordan said fuck it I'm gonna go play some poker) her reasons were were bullshit. She is mad that she has to spend all her time fighting all these ethics investigations and the amount of money involved in defending herself against these charges. So what Sarah people are just supposed to ignore you firing state troopers and spending 250,000 dollars on clothes and charging per Diem meals to the state when you are at your home? Then you said you didn't want to waste tax payers money (but you didn't want to take stimulus funds that would help your taxpayers) fighting these investigations even though the money is all ready budgeted to lawyers anyways. Jeeez!

The sad part about this is that her supporters love her even more. I mean how does this happen. Somebody who quits the governorship for no good reason besides she isn't as beloved as she used to be has her approval ratings go up? It always reminds me of the great show Arrested Development. The main characters son is going out with a girl that he does not really like. Every time the son brings her up the main character ask "her." Well you know what people. Every time I hear someone say she is as qualified as Obama to be president or she is the greatest I"ll just go "her?"



I can't find a video of Jason Bateman going "her." Will Arnette is always a good substitute.

A Haunted House Without Zombies? What Gives?

First off it has been a while since I have posted on here. Maybe you thought I decided to stay in Vegas or I lost all my motor functions. No I have been doing all right. I wanted to write something on here a couple of times but I just had no motivation.

Anyways I just got done watching a documentary called Hell House. IT was about a church down in Texas that created a Haunted House but instead of Chainsaws cutting through spines and zombies munching on brains it was girls bleeding to death from taking the Plan B pill and girls getting raped at raves after being drugged and molested by their dad and going to hell because they killed themselves (yes that was really happening).

First I guess it should be mentioned I have no beliefs at all. If I was going to define myself as anything I would like to think that I am a nihilist but the whole definition of nihilism kind of negates the whole point of being a nihilist. I mean being a nihilist means you think life is without meaning, value, or intrinsic value but wouldn't the fact that you are a nihilist stipulate that these funtions are present in your life? Way to think that theory all the way through Nietzsche!

Anyways back to Hell House. I don't get the purposes of these houses. Who are they really set up for? The whole point of running them is to scare these kids straight into Jesus but I would think the only ones who would really enjoy these houses would would be those who all ready inclined to be associated with and aware of Christian dogma. (Update: Actually with some reflection these are the people who even if they live a just life as defined by their religion they will still be moved by what they see and want to double down on their devotion to Jesus).In fact there was one point in the flick where someone who went through the house was offended by their portrayal of the gay person who died of aids (which was kind of offensive since they said the only reason he was gay was because he was molested and the only reason he had aids was because he was gay).

My biggest problem with the whole aspect of the Hell Houses is that they are trying to scare people into accepting Jesus as their savior. I think this is misguided for two reasons.

1) I don't know everything there is to know about Jesus but he seemed like a pretty upbeat guy who delivered a message of hope and peace and love and pinball. I would think instead of trying to scare these kids straight it would be easier to get people into your religion if you went with those messages. People would probably be more upbeat as well and you wouldn't have to always talk about burning for eternity.

(Quick Aside. Billy Mays is on television right now trying to sell me some Health Insurance. Knowing that he is dead right now makes me think that he doesn't seem like the greatest pitchman for this product huh)?

2) The whole point of the Hell House was to scare people into turning to Jesus with the threat of burning for eternity in hell. I know eternity is a long time and burning would be a nuisance but I don't really find this a compelling reason to devote your life to Jesus. If you ask me it seems pretty weak to devote your life to something because you are scarred of what the consequences would be if you don't. By threatening people and coercing them into your faith by impending fear makes you the school yard bully picking on the little kid. Kurt Cameron and that weird little Aussie dude he hangs out with employ this tactic as well and I find it deplorable. If you introduce this fear and let it linger to the point that it becomes your sole reason you affiliate with whatever religious institution is your cup of tea it leads to some fucked up notions and beliefs such as thinking all gay people have Aids or you might think it is a good idea to invade a country even though they had no weapons of mass destruction.

Well those were my quick thoughts on the movie. I could go on but its late and Harrison Ford is barking at the president of the United States telling him that he doesn't dance!

Yeah. But the next two movies on my list of things to see are Prayer Of The Rollerboys and Gymkata!

There's a ska band on my street

I'm gonna jump right in today and say why is it that the same people who were talking about bombing the hell out of Iran are now the ones saying how President Obama needs to do more for their democracy? Not too long ago if you were a conservative you were all for dropping the bomb and now all of a sudden you are concerned about the Iranian people. These are the same Iranian people that the bombs you wanted to make it rain on Iran probably would have killed. This just reeks of opportunism at its worst man.

I was in a conversation last night about the new Transformers movie. As those who have read some of my old post you would have probably realized that I am not going to see the new one that comes out in a week or so. Last night a person who was defending the movie asked why this was the case and I told him it was because I hated the first one. Seriously this dude was shocked by the reasoning. "You mean the only reason you are not going to see the sequel is because you didn't like the first one?"

Well yeah dude of course. I would think that would make perfect sense. I mean it stands to reason the second movie is going to be more of the same as the first one and just on a grander scale. The aspects that will be on a grander scale are probably the elements of the movie I hated from the first one. Its not like the movie is going to be radically different. Like in the sequel Shia Lebough (really I could care less about looking up the spelling of his name) character can't go out with Megan Fox unless he is able to score a date for Megatron.

In regards to Americans loving their half-assed ideas you can also peg us as being lazy. On the way to work this morning I cut a guy off even though I was signaling I needed to get in the lane he was in and he was speeding up. But yeah I cut him off. Instead of beeping he flashed his lights at me. What the fuck is that shit? First off all it was at about 6:40 am so the sun was basically up. I barely noticed it. And really is he that fucking lazy that he can't follow me to my place of work and beat me with his tire iron or at the very least beep his horn at me you know.

I love my Ipod don't get me wrong but the shuffle function is totally non-existent on it. It always plays the same songs. Do you know how many times Lenny Bruce will come on my Ipod when I have it on shuffle? Granted I know this is the equivalent of someone who just discovered the internet has porn and they have to complain that there is too much available. But please Ipod I need the shuffle function to actually work because your fucking wheel is probably the worst thing in the world. Yes worse than turkeys. All I'm saying is that turkey's have that weird thing on their neck.

I am trying to play some putt putt tonight but it looks like it might rain. If that happens I have a contingency plan and that is Chuck E Cheese. Either way its a win win situation.

Thats all for today. I'll be gone for a couple days. I am taking a business trip out west to attend a convention about transportation and green energy in the new economy.

Actually I'm not. I'll be in Las Vegas getting hammered. Bye.

Can We Cool This Madness Down?

My goodness friends did I see the two lamest bumper stickers on a van today. Actually they weren't even bumper stickers since they were displayed on the rear windshield. Imagine how self important this asshole was that he had to display his car graffiti at my natural eye level.

They were both pro George W. Bush bumper stickers. The first one I read said "A Terroirst Attack has not happened in six years. Let's blame Bush." I mean jumping Jesus on a pogo stick how ass backwards can you get? This has to be the worst implementation of sarcasm I have ever read in my life. First of all you are conveying that it was George W. Bush's 9/11 happened. Good work genius. Way to have the lamest bumper sticker ever that has blamed George Bush for one of the worst acts of terrorism on American soil. The second bumper sticker read "Thanks George W. Bush for doing the toughest job for eight years." This is something you would say to a child who participated in Little League. Everyone gets a trophy. No thats not the way the President of the United States of America is supposed to work. We don't pat you on the back after your policies and actions in office have fucked over the free world.

Anyways I read a review for the new Transformers that is coming out this summer. I will say if it even the tiniest fraction better than the first one it will be the second worse flamming bag of dogshit movie ever released. I also read that some of the robots will be rapping. Uh. How about this for funny. The main characters mom accidentally eats weed while getting a tour around her kids college. Gee I bet that will be hilarious; maybe five times as funny as the movie How High. Don't read this next statement if you don't want spoilers: you are going to die a virgin.

I know people like watching big robots fighting each other and that really hot chick bending over in tight pants. The thing is that the action scenes are filmed incompetently with horrible editing and if you want to see the hot chick bending over in tight pants that let me try to explain to you how google works.

One thing in the review I read was that the U.S. military is now working with the good robots to help protact the world in case the evil robots decide to show up on this planet again for any unspecified reason. I found this interesting. Now I'm sure if this movie wasn't made for fourteen year old boys maybe you could made a half way interesting movie someone that needs more in a movie than a really big fucking gun to get some enjoyment out of it. What would foriegn countries think about us working with the robots? Would it alienate our allies around the world who are scarred about America becoming a dominate superpower? Hell make it an allegory to nuclear proliferation or living in a post 9/11 world. God knows Michael Bay loves wrapping his movies up in we love america patriotic nonesense. Fuck you can even have other armies teaming up with the bad robots for some reason because they feel threatened that America is becoming a superpower.

But no the evil robots are after some fucking key that will activate some doomsday machine and kill us all. Hey isn't that what happened in the first movie? Oh I forgot this movie will have more robots in it because hello toy sales.

I guess in conclusion all I am saying is I would rather be set on fire that watch this movie.

Til tomorrow friends.

Where's my movie montage

So I went to Dave and Busters last Saturday Night and I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. I was worried that there would be nothing but newer games and the games that are all just bells and whistles where you have to pay an obscene amount of money just to fucking look at them you know. Anyways the prices were fair for the most part and the beer while a tad on the expensive side was not too bad but this one guy was hogging the Mrs. Pac-Man machine.

I will have to admit I did have a little problem with the morphing photo booth. My friend Melissa and myself tried getting a totally sweet picture of us as Tigers but we couldn't get it to work. We could have had some fucking Tiger morph pictures of us but instead we look exactly like we do in real life. I hadn't been that disappointed since they canceled Samantha Who.

Speaking of Melissa we played two games of air hockey and it was utter domination. Saying she kicked my ass would be the understatement of the year. It was probably fifty times worse than the Blitzkrieg man.

This got me thinking that if this were the movies the only way I would have been able to beat her would be if I had a totally killer montage scene. Some people might put their faith in a higher power or positive thinking or carbo loading but give me a song by Survivor and a carefully edited together montage of interrelated scenes and I could beat her in air hockey.

I would say for my money the greatest montage scene of all time would have to be Rocky 3 when Rocky starts slumming it up with Apollo Creed in L.A. It's got everything; an inspirational song, the main character improving by steady increments, slow motion, witnesses to the main characters awesome transformation from complete zero to hero, and homosexual undertones.



As far as I'm concerned no montage video before this matters and everyone after it can not compare to it. Rocky 4 had a montage video that all most ranks as high as the one from Rocky 3 but there is a lack of any homosexual undertones that I find most disappointing.



The last montage video that came close to even touching Rocky 3 would be from Stomp The Yard. I can not find any videos for it but it involves a bunch of dudes running up a hill at sunset with no shirts on. Instead watch the best Cat video ever. And hey bonus I guess you could count it as a montage video.



And if you really love montage videos then you should probably see the movie Wet Hot American Summer.



Of course this following video is a spoof of montage videos but it is worth a view.



So I guess what I need is someones help me film a sweet air hockey montage. It is the only way I can properly redeem myself after such a crushing defeat.

Sundays Nights Are The Worst

Hello kids. How was every one's weekend? I am really enjoying writing these blogs over the last couple days. While I enjoyed writing what were basically poorly worded mini essays with informative links and what not it took a lot out of me and frankly the quality of the posts were not anywhere where I would have liked them to be since I am basically doing this for fun. I have also been writing a little bit about what goes on in my personal life which is something I avoided for the only real reason that I doubted anyone would care.

I have the NBA Finals game on right now and the Lakers are starting to pull away. It just seems like that Orlando can't put in a solid 48 minute performance in these games. It seems to me that the only songs that NBC is playing while it transitions into a commercial is any song by Green Day. I know they just had an album come out but they are playing songs off of a CD that must have come out over ten years ago. Weird eh? They must also play the commercial for this Year One movie during every commercial break and I will admit every time I see it the more I think it will be an incredibly horrible movie. Maybe it is just the premise that is no good. What are your thoughts on the movie?

Dude some guy just totally got run over by a car in the Law and Order show that is on right now and it was pretty intense!

Here is a story that I found pretty interesting and I think it illustrates something I have been harping on for years. Apparently a fellow blogger has been posting on her website about how she was pregnant and her kid was diagnosed terminally ill in the womb. Apparently anti-abortion people were linking to her blog and she was even selling tshirts! There was only one problem with this story. The unborn kid was not terminally ill. Yeah its pretty hard to have a terminally ill kid inside of you when you are not even pregnant.

IT is probably an understatement to say that those who got suckered by this chick are pissed off. Its understandable. I think this story perfectly illustrates something that is too common in this country. People care about what other people are doing too much. IF something doesn't effect you you should probably not give a fuck or at the very least ignore it.

Maybe abortion is a bad issue to make this point since most people who are against it thinks it is murder. I don't necessarily agree with this rationale but it makes sense. But look at all the things that don't effect people at all that they get worked up about. Gay marriage, Terry Shiavo, Marylin Manson lyrics, the Godaddy commercials. Worrying and bitching about issues like this that don't effect you are only causing you grief man. But I guess if you are reading this you're probably saying "fuck off Mango guy you write a god damn blog worrying about the same shit." Well yeah I guess you are right but I"m not the one who is against gay marriage and effecting the lives of people I will never meet that in all reality if they do get married won't effect my life at all.

Well I have to take a shower. Every Sunday I play Walley Ball every Sunday which is basically volleyball inside on a racquetball court. It's a fun game and you should play it.

Til we meet again friends.

How Can Air Sex Be Dirty Unless It Is In China

I am watching the episode of the Sopranos right now where all of the main characters are complaining about the negative stereotypes of Italians in the movies. Actually I think that is every episode.

So last Wed I went to a competition at the Hotel Rock and Roll with my friend Claudia that was about Air Sex. What is airsex? Besides being incredibly lame and and an excuse for people to act out their most disturbing sexual fetishes in front of a crowd of assorted hipsters who watch with a detached sense of irony. To compete you pick the song you want to air sex to and you have two minutes to get it on. I was thinking about doing it but damn two minutes. Is that how long you kids are having sex these days? That's something like four Ramones songs. You kids are running the marathon while I"m just trying to finish the 40.

Anyhows I am officially a hipster now since I have a pic of myself on the blog Brightest Young Things!

I Got Married On Myspace.

Ok. I am watching television right now for a product called Extenze which has something to do with giving you a big boner. The guy on it is saying that he never cared about being bigger but doesn't mind better performance. I know this is a disservice to dangle this exciting product in front of you and not give you the phone number so you can order it but that is what google is for my friends. Get on it and then get on her guys.

I'm not trying to have a record for most useless blog posts in one day but while watching I think Total Recall there was a commercial for a new show called Married on Myspace. Uh.

Listen. I don't know what the show is about. It might be the greatest show of all time and when we are grandparents and the show is in its 80th season and whoever wins the show this year is on Larry King Jr.'s show celebrating their anniversary we can tell are grand kids I was there for the first season. I'm pretty sure this show will just rape the word quality.

I'm not the moral police and things like this don't create some sort fake outrage we see so often permeate our culture. I have no problem with really anything in popular culture offending my sensibilities. I am more easily offended by the laziness and lack of creativity coming from pop culture more so than anything else. But the more I think about this show the more I like it but not for the obvious reasons.

I am a big supporter of gay marriage. I don't know how long we have been a civilized country but I find it pretty fucking retarded that we are supposed to be living in a free society and if I wanted to marry a guy I couldn't. Just think about it. Why can't two people of the same sex get married and enjoy the benefits of what Miss California calls opposite sex marriage?

The biggest reason I hear about why same sex marriage will be fifty times worse then when Skynet declares Judgment Day and destroy all humans is because it will hurt the sanctity of marriage. Ok I don't know how you can can use the term sanctity with the overall numerous marriages there are in the world. It's kind of like how I thought it was stupid to have a graduation party for getting through high school since I had over five hundred other kids in my graduation class. Now that I think about it I guess the party is more about the parents who just want to show off that because of their parenting techniques their kid is not some drop out loser sucking dick for crack on the streets.

Anyways all you people who are against gay marriage because you are scarred your totally hetero marriage will be destroyed by two guy who met at Pet Shop Boys concert and just want to grow old together listening to Go West need to never mention this bullshit sanctity of marriage argument ever again if you don't condemn shows like I Got Married on My Space or Rock of Love or or The Bachelor. I guess all I'm asking for is a little consistency on the issue like how you consistently don't have sex with your spouse. Thanks.

Oh. And who the hell has myspace anymore?

Bye.

What does the M in MTV stand for now?

Good early afternoon friends and others. It's a beautiful summer day outside and I am inside typing out another inconsequential blog entry.

Yeah so on MTV right now they have some documentary called 16 and pregnant. First of all is it no shock to anyone that this movie has nothing to do with music. Maybe they play a song by some hip and upcoming band like the Sounds during the credits but that's about it from MTV these days. The show seems to be adequate and I am sure I will catch it again sometime since MTV plays the same damn shows everyday.

But the girl in this episode is doing what most typical girls do. OF course the father of the kid is a complete fucking waste of space who instead of really trying to be a good father would rather go out with his idiot friends and karaoke to the latest Alan Jackson I love America and vote GOP song that is popular these days. I mean its not like I can't empathize with this kid since its obvious that he doesn't like the mother and doesn't want to be in that situation.

My problem with this girl is that she does the typical thing most girls do. She wants to tell the father of his kid that instead of going out all the time with his friends she wants him to stay home and actually be a Father. But she won't come out and say it. She does what most girls do when they want a guy to do something but won't actually explicitly come out and say it. See guys as a collective whole are actually pretty dumb but in these situations they are smart enough to feign ignorance to get out of whatever the woman is trying to ask. So woman please for your sake be more forthright when it gets to telling your guy that he needs to be a better father or change his socks or whatever the hell it is you want him to do.

What else? Oh the Penguins won the Stanley Cup last night. It was a glorious moment that was only compounded by the fact that there was a whole lot of a lot of beer consumed and some of it in tube form. What is tubed beer you ask. Think of that giant bong Zack Morris had in that horrible movie where they tried to get their college roommate to commit suicide so they could get straight A's and fill it up with beer. It really doesn't make the beer taste better but it sure looks super cool. Oh and afterward I turned a couple heads with my exceptional Galaga playing.

Anything else on my mind right now? IT looks like Obama will not release these photos that document prisoner abuse. The logic is that the release of these photos will lead to anti-American sentiment that will in turn put are troops in danger. I would think actually deploying are troops and declaring war in the territory where the troops are deployed is what actually puts troops in harms way. Seriously kids here is why I laugh at this argument. What these people are actually saying is that the actual act of releasing these photos is actually worse than the images the photos contain. Think about it dude. I didn't.

I think that's it for now. I'm gonna kick back for the rest of the day. I will probably watch the rest of American History X and take note of how many times they have to dub over the bad words the FCC does not want you to hear. Then I'm gonna head to Dave and Busters tonight and hopefully wow some people there why my Galaga skills.