There's a ska band on my street

I'm gonna jump right in today and say why is it that the same people who were talking about bombing the hell out of Iran are now the ones saying how President Obama needs to do more for their democracy? Not too long ago if you were a conservative you were all for dropping the bomb and now all of a sudden you are concerned about the Iranian people. These are the same Iranian people that the bombs you wanted to make it rain on Iran probably would have killed. This just reeks of opportunism at its worst man.

I was in a conversation last night about the new Transformers movie. As those who have read some of my old post you would have probably realized that I am not going to see the new one that comes out in a week or so. Last night a person who was defending the movie asked why this was the case and I told him it was because I hated the first one. Seriously this dude was shocked by the reasoning. "You mean the only reason you are not going to see the sequel is because you didn't like the first one?"

Well yeah dude of course. I would think that would make perfect sense. I mean it stands to reason the second movie is going to be more of the same as the first one and just on a grander scale. The aspects that will be on a grander scale are probably the elements of the movie I hated from the first one. Its not like the movie is going to be radically different. Like in the sequel Shia Lebough (really I could care less about looking up the spelling of his name) character can't go out with Megan Fox unless he is able to score a date for Megatron.

In regards to Americans loving their half-assed ideas you can also peg us as being lazy. On the way to work this morning I cut a guy off even though I was signaling I needed to get in the lane he was in and he was speeding up. But yeah I cut him off. Instead of beeping he flashed his lights at me. What the fuck is that shit? First off all it was at about 6:40 am so the sun was basically up. I barely noticed it. And really is he that fucking lazy that he can't follow me to my place of work and beat me with his tire iron or at the very least beep his horn at me you know.

I love my Ipod don't get me wrong but the shuffle function is totally non-existent on it. It always plays the same songs. Do you know how many times Lenny Bruce will come on my Ipod when I have it on shuffle? Granted I know this is the equivalent of someone who just discovered the internet has porn and they have to complain that there is too much available. But please Ipod I need the shuffle function to actually work because your fucking wheel is probably the worst thing in the world. Yes worse than turkeys. All I'm saying is that turkey's have that weird thing on their neck.

I am trying to play some putt putt tonight but it looks like it might rain. If that happens I have a contingency plan and that is Chuck E Cheese. Either way its a win win situation.

Thats all for today. I'll be gone for a couple days. I am taking a business trip out west to attend a convention about transportation and green energy in the new economy.

Actually I'm not. I'll be in Las Vegas getting hammered. Bye.

Can We Cool This Madness Down?

My goodness friends did I see the two lamest bumper stickers on a van today. Actually they weren't even bumper stickers since they were displayed on the rear windshield. Imagine how self important this asshole was that he had to display his car graffiti at my natural eye level.

They were both pro George W. Bush bumper stickers. The first one I read said "A Terroirst Attack has not happened in six years. Let's blame Bush." I mean jumping Jesus on a pogo stick how ass backwards can you get? This has to be the worst implementation of sarcasm I have ever read in my life. First of all you are conveying that it was George W. Bush's 9/11 happened. Good work genius. Way to have the lamest bumper sticker ever that has blamed George Bush for one of the worst acts of terrorism on American soil. The second bumper sticker read "Thanks George W. Bush for doing the toughest job for eight years." This is something you would say to a child who participated in Little League. Everyone gets a trophy. No thats not the way the President of the United States of America is supposed to work. We don't pat you on the back after your policies and actions in office have fucked over the free world.

Anyways I read a review for the new Transformers that is coming out this summer. I will say if it even the tiniest fraction better than the first one it will be the second worse flamming bag of dogshit movie ever released. I also read that some of the robots will be rapping. Uh. How about this for funny. The main characters mom accidentally eats weed while getting a tour around her kids college. Gee I bet that will be hilarious; maybe five times as funny as the movie How High. Don't read this next statement if you don't want spoilers: you are going to die a virgin.

I know people like watching big robots fighting each other and that really hot chick bending over in tight pants. The thing is that the action scenes are filmed incompetently with horrible editing and if you want to see the hot chick bending over in tight pants that let me try to explain to you how google works.

One thing in the review I read was that the U.S. military is now working with the good robots to help protact the world in case the evil robots decide to show up on this planet again for any unspecified reason. I found this interesting. Now I'm sure if this movie wasn't made for fourteen year old boys maybe you could made a half way interesting movie someone that needs more in a movie than a really big fucking gun to get some enjoyment out of it. What would foriegn countries think about us working with the robots? Would it alienate our allies around the world who are scarred about America becoming a dominate superpower? Hell make it an allegory to nuclear proliferation or living in a post 9/11 world. God knows Michael Bay loves wrapping his movies up in we love america patriotic nonesense. Fuck you can even have other armies teaming up with the bad robots for some reason because they feel threatened that America is becoming a superpower.

But no the evil robots are after some fucking key that will activate some doomsday machine and kill us all. Hey isn't that what happened in the first movie? Oh I forgot this movie will have more robots in it because hello toy sales.

I guess in conclusion all I am saying is I would rather be set on fire that watch this movie.

Til tomorrow friends.

Where's my movie montage

So I went to Dave and Busters last Saturday Night and I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. I was worried that there would be nothing but newer games and the games that are all just bells and whistles where you have to pay an obscene amount of money just to fucking look at them you know. Anyways the prices were fair for the most part and the beer while a tad on the expensive side was not too bad but this one guy was hogging the Mrs. Pac-Man machine.

I will have to admit I did have a little problem with the morphing photo booth. My friend Melissa and myself tried getting a totally sweet picture of us as Tigers but we couldn't get it to work. We could have had some fucking Tiger morph pictures of us but instead we look exactly like we do in real life. I hadn't been that disappointed since they canceled Samantha Who.

Speaking of Melissa we played two games of air hockey and it was utter domination. Saying she kicked my ass would be the understatement of the year. It was probably fifty times worse than the Blitzkrieg man.

This got me thinking that if this were the movies the only way I would have been able to beat her would be if I had a totally killer montage scene. Some people might put their faith in a higher power or positive thinking or carbo loading but give me a song by Survivor and a carefully edited together montage of interrelated scenes and I could beat her in air hockey.

I would say for my money the greatest montage scene of all time would have to be Rocky 3 when Rocky starts slumming it up with Apollo Creed in L.A. It's got everything; an inspirational song, the main character improving by steady increments, slow motion, witnesses to the main characters awesome transformation from complete zero to hero, and homosexual undertones.



As far as I'm concerned no montage video before this matters and everyone after it can not compare to it. Rocky 4 had a montage video that all most ranks as high as the one from Rocky 3 but there is a lack of any homosexual undertones that I find most disappointing.



The last montage video that came close to even touching Rocky 3 would be from Stomp The Yard. I can not find any videos for it but it involves a bunch of dudes running up a hill at sunset with no shirts on. Instead watch the best Cat video ever. And hey bonus I guess you could count it as a montage video.



And if you really love montage videos then you should probably see the movie Wet Hot American Summer.



Of course this following video is a spoof of montage videos but it is worth a view.



So I guess what I need is someones help me film a sweet air hockey montage. It is the only way I can properly redeem myself after such a crushing defeat.

Sundays Nights Are The Worst

Hello kids. How was every one's weekend? I am really enjoying writing these blogs over the last couple days. While I enjoyed writing what were basically poorly worded mini essays with informative links and what not it took a lot out of me and frankly the quality of the posts were not anywhere where I would have liked them to be since I am basically doing this for fun. I have also been writing a little bit about what goes on in my personal life which is something I avoided for the only real reason that I doubted anyone would care.

I have the NBA Finals game on right now and the Lakers are starting to pull away. It just seems like that Orlando can't put in a solid 48 minute performance in these games. It seems to me that the only songs that NBC is playing while it transitions into a commercial is any song by Green Day. I know they just had an album come out but they are playing songs off of a CD that must have come out over ten years ago. Weird eh? They must also play the commercial for this Year One movie during every commercial break and I will admit every time I see it the more I think it will be an incredibly horrible movie. Maybe it is just the premise that is no good. What are your thoughts on the movie?

Dude some guy just totally got run over by a car in the Law and Order show that is on right now and it was pretty intense!

Here is a story that I found pretty interesting and I think it illustrates something I have been harping on for years. Apparently a fellow blogger has been posting on her website about how she was pregnant and her kid was diagnosed terminally ill in the womb. Apparently anti-abortion people were linking to her blog and she was even selling tshirts! There was only one problem with this story. The unborn kid was not terminally ill. Yeah its pretty hard to have a terminally ill kid inside of you when you are not even pregnant.

IT is probably an understatement to say that those who got suckered by this chick are pissed off. Its understandable. I think this story perfectly illustrates something that is too common in this country. People care about what other people are doing too much. IF something doesn't effect you you should probably not give a fuck or at the very least ignore it.

Maybe abortion is a bad issue to make this point since most people who are against it thinks it is murder. I don't necessarily agree with this rationale but it makes sense. But look at all the things that don't effect people at all that they get worked up about. Gay marriage, Terry Shiavo, Marylin Manson lyrics, the Godaddy commercials. Worrying and bitching about issues like this that don't effect you are only causing you grief man. But I guess if you are reading this you're probably saying "fuck off Mango guy you write a god damn blog worrying about the same shit." Well yeah I guess you are right but I"m not the one who is against gay marriage and effecting the lives of people I will never meet that in all reality if they do get married won't effect my life at all.

Well I have to take a shower. Every Sunday I play Walley Ball every Sunday which is basically volleyball inside on a racquetball court. It's a fun game and you should play it.

Til we meet again friends.

How Can Air Sex Be Dirty Unless It Is In China

I am watching the episode of the Sopranos right now where all of the main characters are complaining about the negative stereotypes of Italians in the movies. Actually I think that is every episode.

So last Wed I went to a competition at the Hotel Rock and Roll with my friend Claudia that was about Air Sex. What is airsex? Besides being incredibly lame and and an excuse for people to act out their most disturbing sexual fetishes in front of a crowd of assorted hipsters who watch with a detached sense of irony. To compete you pick the song you want to air sex to and you have two minutes to get it on. I was thinking about doing it but damn two minutes. Is that how long you kids are having sex these days? That's something like four Ramones songs. You kids are running the marathon while I"m just trying to finish the 40.

Anyhows I am officially a hipster now since I have a pic of myself on the blog Brightest Young Things!

I Got Married On Myspace.

Ok. I am watching television right now for a product called Extenze which has something to do with giving you a big boner. The guy on it is saying that he never cared about being bigger but doesn't mind better performance. I know this is a disservice to dangle this exciting product in front of you and not give you the phone number so you can order it but that is what google is for my friends. Get on it and then get on her guys.

I'm not trying to have a record for most useless blog posts in one day but while watching I think Total Recall there was a commercial for a new show called Married on Myspace. Uh.

Listen. I don't know what the show is about. It might be the greatest show of all time and when we are grandparents and the show is in its 80th season and whoever wins the show this year is on Larry King Jr.'s show celebrating their anniversary we can tell are grand kids I was there for the first season. I'm pretty sure this show will just rape the word quality.

I'm not the moral police and things like this don't create some sort fake outrage we see so often permeate our culture. I have no problem with really anything in popular culture offending my sensibilities. I am more easily offended by the laziness and lack of creativity coming from pop culture more so than anything else. But the more I think about this show the more I like it but not for the obvious reasons.

I am a big supporter of gay marriage. I don't know how long we have been a civilized country but I find it pretty fucking retarded that we are supposed to be living in a free society and if I wanted to marry a guy I couldn't. Just think about it. Why can't two people of the same sex get married and enjoy the benefits of what Miss California calls opposite sex marriage?

The biggest reason I hear about why same sex marriage will be fifty times worse then when Skynet declares Judgment Day and destroy all humans is because it will hurt the sanctity of marriage. Ok I don't know how you can can use the term sanctity with the overall numerous marriages there are in the world. It's kind of like how I thought it was stupid to have a graduation party for getting through high school since I had over five hundred other kids in my graduation class. Now that I think about it I guess the party is more about the parents who just want to show off that because of their parenting techniques their kid is not some drop out loser sucking dick for crack on the streets.

Anyways all you people who are against gay marriage because you are scarred your totally hetero marriage will be destroyed by two guy who met at Pet Shop Boys concert and just want to grow old together listening to Go West need to never mention this bullshit sanctity of marriage argument ever again if you don't condemn shows like I Got Married on My Space or Rock of Love or or The Bachelor. I guess all I'm asking for is a little consistency on the issue like how you consistently don't have sex with your spouse. Thanks.

Oh. And who the hell has myspace anymore?

Bye.

What does the M in MTV stand for now?

Good early afternoon friends and others. It's a beautiful summer day outside and I am inside typing out another inconsequential blog entry.

Yeah so on MTV right now they have some documentary called 16 and pregnant. First of all is it no shock to anyone that this movie has nothing to do with music. Maybe they play a song by some hip and upcoming band like the Sounds during the credits but that's about it from MTV these days. The show seems to be adequate and I am sure I will catch it again sometime since MTV plays the same damn shows everyday.

But the girl in this episode is doing what most typical girls do. OF course the father of the kid is a complete fucking waste of space who instead of really trying to be a good father would rather go out with his idiot friends and karaoke to the latest Alan Jackson I love America and vote GOP song that is popular these days. I mean its not like I can't empathize with this kid since its obvious that he doesn't like the mother and doesn't want to be in that situation.

My problem with this girl is that she does the typical thing most girls do. She wants to tell the father of his kid that instead of going out all the time with his friends she wants him to stay home and actually be a Father. But she won't come out and say it. She does what most girls do when they want a guy to do something but won't actually explicitly come out and say it. See guys as a collective whole are actually pretty dumb but in these situations they are smart enough to feign ignorance to get out of whatever the woman is trying to ask. So woman please for your sake be more forthright when it gets to telling your guy that he needs to be a better father or change his socks or whatever the hell it is you want him to do.

What else? Oh the Penguins won the Stanley Cup last night. It was a glorious moment that was only compounded by the fact that there was a whole lot of a lot of beer consumed and some of it in tube form. What is tubed beer you ask. Think of that giant bong Zack Morris had in that horrible movie where they tried to get their college roommate to commit suicide so they could get straight A's and fill it up with beer. It really doesn't make the beer taste better but it sure looks super cool. Oh and afterward I turned a couple heads with my exceptional Galaga playing.

Anything else on my mind right now? IT looks like Obama will not release these photos that document prisoner abuse. The logic is that the release of these photos will lead to anti-American sentiment that will in turn put are troops in danger. I would think actually deploying are troops and declaring war in the territory where the troops are deployed is what actually puts troops in harms way. Seriously kids here is why I laugh at this argument. What these people are actually saying is that the actual act of releasing these photos is actually worse than the images the photos contain. Think about it dude. I didn't.

I think that's it for now. I'm gonna kick back for the rest of the day. I will probably watch the rest of American History X and take note of how many times they have to dub over the bad words the FCC does not want you to hear. Then I'm gonna head to Dave and Busters tonight and hopefully wow some people there why my Galaga skills.

Its been a while since I posted anything as of late.

Wow a lot of time has gone by since we last had a chat hasn't it. Well I think it is a disservice to call it a chat since it is basically a one way street here. I write a bunch of shit and nobody seems to read it.

So what has been going on as of late. Not to long ago another one of these crazy people with these fringe beliefs decided it would be a good idea to shoot a guard at the Holocaust Museum and kill them. OF course this is a horrible story and it should be noted that the guy who committed this crime is a strict believer in the Jewish Cabal that runs all the banks and regulates all our banking policy that will create some sort of new world order. What the aim of this New World Order is is something that escapes me. I guess that is the benefit of believing in these wacky conspiracy theories; they don't need to make sense for them to be true.

Now the usual assortment of talking heads on television and any asshole who owns a blog is either trying to lump this guy in with whatever the opposite of their ideological beliefs are. I would have to say that belief wise he probably matches up better with a conservative ideology but I would not go as far as to say he is a fair representation of what is called mainstream conservatism. I mean all those people care about is no taxes. What I never understood is that how people always have to be part of some sort of organization. The adverse effect of this tendency is that they will do the best to eliminate those they find undesirable from them which I guess makes sense in a way. And I hate the people who say that this was just a lone gunman. Of course he was but that doesn't necessarily make it any better now does it?

This tragic act took place not too long after the doctor was murdered in Kansas. And yes that is what he was a doctor. I've not got much to say about that except that this was an act of terrorism.

I don't want to start an argument but I am pro-choice but I can understand the reasons why people are pro-life. Now I have no evidence to substantiate this next claim but I feel that some males, mostly older say they are pro-life because they don't like the fact that this is a decision that a woman can make. It just seems to me it is a way for those who feel powerless to reestablish power.

Obama nominated a new Supreme Court judge who happens to not be an old white guy. Of course those prominent talking heads on television have had a field day saying she is racist and is only getting ahead because of her Spanish heritage. Because you know if anyone has had it too easy in this country over the last fifty years its those who grew up poor and Spanish. These people complaining about shit like this really baffle me.

What else is going on? I saw the Hangover last night. While not exactly high cinema it did make me laugh out loud numerous times so mission accomplished. How could anyone not laugh at the sight of three grown men pushing a car that has a live and slightly agitated tiger in it. And to think this was a tiger that had pepper. Think how pissed off he would have been if instead it was Cinnamon. Also I learned that it is apparently pretty easy to bring outside food into the theater now.

The Hangover made me think back to see if I had any night like the main characters did that I had no recollection about. There was a time where I used to be on a 100 proof vodka binge for no real reason other than the fact why the hell not? The last thing I can remember about that night was playing beer pong with some girl in a hooters outfit. The next thing I know is that I am waking up in the floor of my townhouse with a case of Natural Light, condom wrappers, and a large trash can in the middle of my floor that to this day I have no idea of where it came from. When I went downstairs for some reason the couch was moved and the DVD player was open because someone tried to watch Gone In Sixty Seconds. A couple of days later I found out that apparently I was going around with some person egging cars or something. And again to this day I do not know who was with me that night back at my place. Whoever this girl (or hell maybe even guy I was pretty hammered) was I would like to know because why the hell did you want to watch Gone in Sixty Seconds? That movie sucked.

That might be it for today. I am going to try to update this thing almost every day now. I think it will be more stream of conscience stuff like this as opposed to my old format.

Have a good weekend kids.