Valentine's Day might be my favorite day out of the whole calender year. Well actually it might be number three right behind Boxing Day and Taco Night at the Bungelow. Valentine's Day is every one's favorite holiday for both retailers and consumers. The stores get to sell flowers and cards, girls get them as gifts, and in the words of the great philosopher and sage Fred Durst the guy might get some nookie, because hey lets admit it, that was what guys are doing it for. It might be a fair guess that Hallmark has gotten more people laid than Levitra.
I'm sure to most of the people reading this post would be shocked, especially after looking at the picture of myself from my profile page, that I do not have a Valentine's this year. I would usually find this to be no big deal but this year I'm starting to think otherwise. I mean I'm a nice looking young man with disposable income who can stomach whatever lame romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan is currently out in the theater.And if I don't have a Valentine how would I ever expect to find my true love. After much introspection I have finally realized why I stand no chance of finding my true love and it is not for my lack of a Valentines. The answer is rather simple. I don't have my own reality show.
This might be easy to dismiss but lets look at the facts. True people were getting married before reality show appeared on television but I'm sure none of those relationships were based on love. How could they be? They aren't real. Anything that is not televised whether it be on basic cable, premium channels, or the networks just is not real. Hence not true love.
All kidding aside I watch these shows and the things that some of the contestants go through to try to win the heart of Tila Tequila or the big boobed blond twins or Flava Flav. These contestants can only complete these tasks if they are truly in love with whatever former celebrity happens to be on whatever reality show they are on.
Take the clip from above. Those people love Tila so much they are willing to debase themselves in a cage and gyrate for her pleasure. All because they are truly in love with her. Heck I remember the one episode where Tila made the contestants eat a pig's vagina to see who was going to win her heart. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to know if a woman is truly in love with me unless I know that she is willing to eat a pig's vagina?
But I have also watched enough reality shows to understand that you do not always find true love on every television show you are on. Some of these reality stars take two or three seasons to find their true love. Case in point look at the famous singer Bret Michaels from the band Why Did Anyone Ever Buy Our Records. First of all it is understandable why he would need a reality show. He is a huge rock and roll star who has traveled the world and parties all the time; where is he ever going to meet women? But this is Brett's third season and he still hasn't found true love. And if someone like Brett Michaels can't find true love even though he has his own reality show, what chances does a guy like myself have?
So next year I hope to have at least a Valentine but the prospect is not looking good for me since I don't have any of the television networks getting into contact with me about having my own reality show. I guess I could always be a contestant on one of these reality shows but I don't know if that is the right way to go for someone like me. I just don't know if I could do something like eat a pig's vagina seeing as it is a little debasing.
(For Valentine's Day cards, flowers, and tacos are all things Chris would like to receive).
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