The Great Gatsby! Now With 50% More Zinc!

So over the weekend, besides giving one of my always warmly received speeches on international monetary policy I was able to sneak in a screening of the New Great Gatbsy by that director who's name sounds like an expensive boat.  I don't care to look up the correct spelling of his name so we'll call him Jerry.  I guess Jerry's thing is reading old books that suck and then deciding the reason it sucks is because it's not set to contemporary music.  Blah.

Here is my review of the movie.  The lamest white people ever have big parties and somehow continue to be boring lame white people and everyone decides that they are in love with the shallowest women in the world because meeting people is just so hard you guys!  They didn't have Tinder in the 1920's!

This movie sucked.  Do not see it.

Old Spider-Man was so fed up and angry with everyone else by time the movie was over but it took me about twenty minutes to reach the same conclusion.  

And what was Gatsby's deal?  His defining characteristic in the movie was that he was the guy from Titanic.  I mean really, he's supposed to be so cool but he needs lame ass Spider-Man to set up a date with the girl he is in love with.  Probably why the girl chose to be with her ex-husband at the end.  Say what you want about that guy but I bet it's tough to find someone who will cover up vehicular manslaughter for you!  Girls that guy is a keeper!

Also, what I found unbelievable is that no one was playing beer pong at any of these parties.