Jeeez have I been busy these last couple weeks. I mean nothing will keep you busier then visiting every single 7-11 and run down gas station looking to pick up every last Four Loko you can before the tyrannical Obama Government outlaws them all and purchase of them is punishable by bullet to the head in front of all your loved ones and Toby Keith (but what if Toby Keith is a loved one of yours you ask? You've probably all ready went with the bullet to the head route). This being the holidays its important to stock up on Four Loko so you can have a good pairing with the Thanksgiving Turkey. I would think Watermelon would match up splendidly with the turkey but my girlfriend is pretty adamant about trying the grape this year since she says it will match up with the turkey pretty well something about taste palettes or something). I can be pretty stubborn when it comes to finer alcoholic beverages so this year the fine wine decision will be deferred to her. I guess Grape Four Loko this year!
If there is one thing more dangerous then teenage girls drinking Four Loko and making mistakes which usually end with the girl in question having no memory on how they got that Girl Gone Wild t-shirt it's apparently air travel. Over the last couple days all I have heard are horror stories how someone had to walk through a full body scanner or an individual making slightly more than minimum wage patted down their cock looking for explosives.
People can we calm down on this full blown panic on these expanded security measures the TSA has implemented. So what if you have to walk through a machine where whoever is monitoring it can see you naked. Do you think the employees who have to sit around see what a typical American looks like naked are getting off? I would hope not since most Americans are fat and ugly. Oh and so what if you get pulled out of line and get patted down and some fucking TSA official touches your dick. From my understanding from all the Craiglist ads I have seen over the years (and posted) is that most guys want people to touch their dick. I mean isn't that the reason Four Loko was invented.
But of course collective America has decided that these TSA Security Measures are worse then setting your dick on fire (which coincidentally someone on a plane tried doing). Everybody was pretty cool and silent about these measures when the heightened security was just aimed at Muslims. Sure it was OK and you didn't give a fuck when most of Muslim America was profiled in this regard but all of a sudden now all of white fucking suburbia America suddenly gets mad that they will have to walk through a full body scanner and somebody gets to see their bloated dumpy potato eating ass almost in the flesh. I guess when the TSA started treating everyone at the airport like a Muslim all of America lost their collective minds.
Oh and just to let you know I am against these new protocols but you want to know something? I have been against most of what has been implemented since 9/11 to keep us "safe" from the terrorists. It's amazing all the bullshit that the U.S. Government has done while waging their War On Terror such as The Patriot Act and invading Muslim Countries where it had no business going to and Wireless Phone Taps and monitoring your library records and now people are getting mad because someone might touch their dick? America is number one in selective outrage!
Oh and one last thing my fellow freedom loving Americans! If you think full body scanners in the name of fighting terrorism is bad think about being one of those poor unfortunate schmucks who happen to live in a country the U.S. is occupying to wage this war on terror. You could have been bombed or killed by a predator drone attack just because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time (like a wedding). But yeah that's not as bad as someone touching your dick. As my good friend Justin Timberlake likes to sing "Cry me a fucking river America you nation of stupid fucking whiners."
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