Bye Bye Mrs American Pie

Jesus Christ. Its presidents day or some crazy holiday which is important enough for me to have off of work and it is snowing again. Do we need more snow? Its like I"m in some winter wonderland.

Anyways the only thing on television earlier today was Scrubs. Granted its a tolerable enough show and mostly inoffensive but I dig into it. Yeah that Zack Braff looking guy kinda sucks. Yeah he is good in Scrubs but I don't see that guy's shelf life lasting too long. There are only so many more years left where he can play some fucking pussy in a movie who listens to the god awful Shins eh?

Anyways American Pie Beta House came on after an episode of Scrubs today. Actually it might have been after an episode of the Colbert Report? Who fucking knows or cares because that's neither here nor there. Why is there an American Pie beta House movie?

The first American Pie was a pretty enjoyable flick. I liked how it kind of broke down typical stereotypes in regards to all the characters who were friends came from different circles. You had the intellectual, the sports jock, the loser virgin and the former rookie of the year from the Chicago Cubs team that won the Word Series back when I was younger. And if you looked past all the pie fucking and semen drinking and pussy fluting and probably the crime of tapping a women without her knowledge changing and broadcasting it for everyone to see on the internet (really I know its just some goofy fucking movie but don't you think that's a huge criminal offense) and whatever other crass sexual shenanigans where going on it was kind of a sweet movie that even had one character semi endorsing waiting to have sex which is something I"m sure the Christian Coalition could stand behind.

So like most movies they had a bunch of unnecessary sequels. I have to say that Part 2 was one of the funner experiences I had at the movie theatre and I remember there being a ten year old sitting behind me. And then Part Three came out and I thought it was a lot better then it had any right to be. So the third one came to an end and most of the characters grew up and it gets pretty unbelievable to have a thirty year old accidentally super gluing his dick to his hands so that was supposed to be the end of the franchise. But wait..

Like any fucking company whoever produced the American Pie movies decided they wanted to bleed more money out of the American Pie name so they kept creating these fucking direct to DVD cheap movies with nobodies. These movies lack the heart of the original movies and have doubled the amount of tits and asses that you get to see (Which I will admit is pretty awesome).

I saw the first one that came out which I think was called Band Camp. Man was that a cheap flaming bag of dog shit! First of all there is some other Stifler in the movie. Who the fuck was this Stifler and where did he come from? Oh and for some reason Jim's Dad from the first three movies was working at the band camp? What the fuck is that shit man? Why is Eugen Levy who looks like some buttoned up accountant now at this Band Camp? It makes no sense.

So I guess that movie made money so they keep making these movies. And another fucking Stifler I guess shows up to be the main character in it? How many fucking Stiflers are there. Not only that but for some reason Eugene Levy is in the movie as well. Is he still playing Jim's dad? I mean I am watching this Beta House American Pie and there is some scene where the fraternity is having some sort of contest and Jim's dad is a judge or something. Why would some nerdy guy who works at a Band Camp be judging some rowdy college contest where it seems that the person who can remove girls bras the fastest wins. Oh and Jim's dad is a lawyer who used to be a member of the fraternity.

Oh and some guy just fucking shot a load on a teddy bear. Its a super classy movie!

Oh and it seems they are up to at least number seven. And Eugene Levy is still playing Jim's Dad.